by Cooper Young
Now, as I was saying….
Loves are requited. Of course, the big romantic couple of the series is reunited at last; that is, after thirty years, some date rape, an unhappy/ adultery-ridden marriage, a kid who isn’t actually his father’s son, polyandry, a war, a trial, a divorce, some booze, drugs, a beheading, a ghost who just won’t leave anyone alone, and some hysterical blindness, they finally have a chance to live and be happy for at least a little while until the darkness closes in again.
But I can’t let them have that. It doesn’t work. It would go one of 2 ways:
1: Cheezy. Because they are a) no longer the focal characters of the book and b) in their mid-teens again, it has strong potential to become incredibly sappy. Also, as the character who now IS the focal point is one of their children (the age thing works out via your basic paradise-tropes and some magic, trust me), the amount of eye rolling that would happen would be staggering.
2: Tawdry. Alright, so rather than these two getting to vent their sexual frustrations in the traditional- ahem- method, a whole mess of people died. There’s even an act of murder that serves as a sort of consummation for them (there’s a Red Text on it). Now, one would think that in a wonderful, happy, heavenly reunion, they would have the opportunity to…explore what they weren’t able to in life.
Neither of these works. Neither of them is the protagonist, so such a fiery romance, especially in the light of the rest of the plot (it involves more war, death, and destruction if you couldn’t guess) would end up turning into the comic relief. Let’s face it; that’s what happens. No matter how much we may want two of our friends to get together and stop pissing the rest of us all off with their unrequited bullshit, we’ll still make fun of them when they do. It’s natural. Even if they were still in focus, it would turn the whole thing into a romance novel, which it isn’t meant to be.
So, how do I deal with them? How do I keep them in the background, let them be happy, and yet keep them on the pedestal on which lack of fulfillment placed them?
I fuse them.
All hail the Goddess-King! Destroyer-creator, creatrix-destroyer!